Has anybody wondered why Levi Johnston, the boy who knocked up Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter Bristol, had to be forced into marriage?

The Troopergate Scandal has the answers: Sarah Palin will destroy anybody who crosses her family. While this may be admirable qualities for a mother, it’s a maniacally dangerous quality for a Vice President.

The “Troopergate” scandal concerns the Alaska State Legislature’s recent finding that Sarah Palin abused her power in firing of Walt Monegan , a public safety commissioner who refused to be pressured into firing Mike Wooten, a state trooper whose only crime was divorcing Sarah Palin’s sister.

The embarrassing ethics investigation leading up to this finding had been examining whether Sarah Palin’s Machiavellian vengeance against her former in-law constituted an abuse of power.

Now it looks as if Sarah Palin has made yet another man her bitch. Her newest castrato is her husband, Todd. In an effort to take a political bullet for his wife, Todd Palin recently decided that he had pressured Walt Monegan to fire Mike Wooten.

Sarah Palin was, according to her husband, “completely ignorant” of “his” attempts to ruin the career of the man who had divorced his wife’s sister. Todd Palin swears this despite the more than 3 dozen hostile phone calls that Walt Monegan received from “the Palins”; phone calls in which he was pressured to fire Mike Wooten.

On the bright side, The Troopergate Scandal does inspiring a solution to the war on terrorism in the event of a McCain/Palin presidency:

Have the CIA secretly bribes playas from Iraq to break the hearts of Sarah Palin’s remaining daughters. Sarah Palin will then nuke the whole Middle East to avenge them.